LOST

Really feel sorry to myself. I am getting lost again!! How can it be?I should have learn the lessons but now I am still doing the same thing!!
Everyone when I saw something that will make me feel sad or down,I never choose to face the truth but just trying to turn away from the truth and trying to comfort myself that everything is not what it seems...keep hear the same thing from all my friends that I should see through it and accept the truth but I always CANNOT do that. They told me that it is because I don't want to!! Maybe they are right of me,but how can I just forget all?? I have been put so much effort and trust in it.wouldnt it should be right if I get something good from it!?
But the truth is,as the more hope I expected,the more disappointments I get!! How many times I am going to hurt myself!? Stop being stupid cause no one will care! I care for others and even when I do anything,I will think first cause I scare I will hurt others feelings or not.but what I get from return? Just hurt and disappointments. It is so much for me to bear. Not again!! Every time I just told myself to forget and dont want let myself in pain but I just couldn't do it cause it means too much and too many for me and I just don't want to let it go just like that. But somehow it is not my choice to decide it. Try to cheer myself up but it is really hard after I saw clearly..........
Hope something will get better one day.